It's a Horrible Life
by Black Dragon6
Summary: (Secondary) The first (and probably only) megacrossover I've ever attempted. Get the lead characters from several different anime together under one house. What do you get? Besides sky-high insurance rates? Let's find out.
1. Getting an Apartment Never Used to be Li...

It's a Horrible Life  
  
Chapter 1  
  
by Black Dragon  
  
revcoll@peoplepc.com  
  
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/fanficlair/index.html  
  
Normal disclaimer applies. I wish I got paid for this. I really do. But I don't, so lay off, alright? Oh yeah, this story is sort of a remake of The Surreal World, a really neat fanfiction that was written a long time ago and then left to rot, apparently forever. Anyway, I'll be using characters from Ranma 1/2 (of course), Urusei Yatsura, King of Fighters (or more commonly, Fatal Fury), Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo, All-Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku, and Geobreeders, plus I'll probably throw in some more if I decide to continue this. So without further delay, on to the fic!  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Getting an Apartment Never Used to be Like This  
  
  
  
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"I'VE HAD IT!!! YOU'RE ALL INSANE!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!?!?!?"  
  
The assembled group of fiancees, ranging from Akane to Kodachi, all stopped fighting at Ranma's yell, many of them freezing in mid-swing.  
  
"Is airen okay?" Shampoo ventured to ask.  
  
"No, I'm not okay! Dammit, I've had enough of this! I'm out of here! FOR GOOD!!" And with that Ranma sped out into the backyard and ran off, easily clearing the fence and jumping onto the rooftops that led away from the dojo.  
  
  
  
Back at the dojo, the collection of girls looked shocked, as did Soun and Genma, who had been calmly playing shogi up until Ranma's outburst. Slowly, they all turned around to look at Nabiki, who was watching T.V. while munching on a cracker.  
  
"He'll be back. I'd give him two, maybe three days tops," she said without looking back.  
  
There was a collective sigh of relief (though Akane would later deny she was relieved), and the combatants turned back toward each other.  
  
"Well, now that that's out of the way, you ready for round 2, sugar?"  
  
"Shampoo flatten you with own weapon, spatula girl!"  
  
"Ohohohohohoho! Shall you continue your futile efforts against me, peasants?"  
  
"Shut up and fight!"  
  
  
  
Ah, yes, the comforts of routine.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Ow...... argh...... hurt... bad...... h-help...... medic......" Ataru crawled into his house a burnt, blackened, smoking wreck, suffering from severe electric shocks, first degree burns, and many other various injuries.  
  
All was right with the world.  
  
Mrs. Moroboshi looked down at her son and shook her head. "All right, all right, I'll go get the bandages and antiseptic. Couldn't you have come a little earlier? Dinner's almost ready."  
  
Ataru growled from his postion on the floor. "Well excuse me for being chased around by Lum and that little punk Ten! Not to mention trampled by the entire girls' tennis team!"  
  
Mrs. Moroboshi rolled her eyes and tossed the medical supplies on the floor next to Ataru, going back to the kitchen to cook. "Honestly, if you simply wouldn't harrass all those other girls... *Sigh* why was I cursed with such an idiot for a son?"  
  
Ataru's teeth grated together as he tried to restrain his anger and bandage himself at the same time. "I never asked for this! Why the hell shouldn't I be able to flirt with anyone I want? This is all Lum's fault!"  
  
In his anger, however, he had wound the bandage much too tightly, and it only aggravated the pain he was feeling.  
  
"And you! I get home looking like an ER extra, and the first thing you say to me is 'Why couldn't you have gotten home sooner'?! What kind of mother are you?!"  
  
Mrs. Moroboshi simply ignored him, quite used to Ataru's occasional temper tantrums.  
  
"Well, FINE!! If nobody cares then I'll just leave!" Furious, and in something of a daze from downing so many painkillers at once, Ataru stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Terry Bogard plodded along the road aimlessly, occasionally looking to either side of the street looking for signs that offered places to stay or short-term jobs. He had finished his training in Nagasaki, having found the combatants there too far below his level to offer him any real improvement. Unfortunately, the closer he got to Tokyo, the harder it became to find a job and an apartment. There was also the problem of whether or not there was any worthwhile training around here.  
  
'But first priority is finding that apartment.'  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Tuxedo Kamen simply stared at the mass of rubble that had once been the place he called home.  
  
The Sailor Senshi had won, and the enemy had been destroyed. Unfortunately, it had not been the only thing to be wiped off the face of the planet.  
  
"My apartment..." He said slowly, as if on some level he really couldn't believe this had happened.  
  
Sailor Moon, naturally, made every effort to comfort her boyfriend/fated lover, but couldn't seem to snap him out of his daze. "It's okay, Mamo- chan, we'll find you another place to stay." She broke off her line of speech briefly to glare at Minako, a.k.a. Sailor Venus, who flushed red.  
  
"I said I'm sorry! My aim was off! I didn't mean it!"  
  
Mamoru sighed. "Don't worry about it. I'll find another apartment. Somehow."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"R-Ryoko, Ayeka, could you two just calm down for moment?" Alas, Tenchi's pleas fell on deaf ears as the two aliens powered up in preparation for their latest catfight (as Noboyuki so laughingly put it).  
  
Tenchi had learned from experience when to just give up diplomacy and run like hell. So he did.  
  
Tenchi sighed sat down on the front porch of the house, trying to figure out what was being destroyed merely by the sound of it exploding.  
  
"There goes a lamp... the TV... I'd have to say that was the couch. Tenchi sighed again and buried his face in his hands.  
  
"They can be such a bother, can't they?"  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped as he heard Washu's voice behind him. "Why can't they ever just get along?"  
  
Washu grinned and chuckled. "Well, actually, they barely fought at all when you left to stay in Tokyo last month."  
  
Now that made Tenchi think. The whole incident in Tokyo had arguably been the wierdest and most dangerous experience of his life, but it had been a whole lot more peaceful than any given day here.  
  
'Hmmm. We could all use a little break,' he thought, 'but where would I stay?'  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"NUKU NUKU!!" The robotic cat-girl jerked up from where she was enjoying a steamed fish at Kyusaku's bellowing voice.  
  
Nuku Nuku stood up and bowed as Kyusaku ran into the room. "Hello Papa- san!"  
  
Kyusaku was breathing hard from running, and was even now holding his hands on his knees and panting.  
  
Rynnosuke followed behind him, though he wasn't breathing hard. "I told you that smoking would do that to you. You're breathing like an old man."  
  
Kyusaku glared at Rynnosuke before turning back to Nuku Nuku. "Nuku, did you raid the docks yesterday to get some fish?"  
  
Nuku Nuku blinked, then sweatdropped and stepped in front of the steamed halibut she was eating in a comical attempt to claim innocence. "Fish? What fish? Nuku Nuku has no fish!"  
  
Kyusaku held his head in his hands. "Nuku, we've got to leave. We've been under attack by fisherman for the last hour or so."  
  
Rynnosuke nodded. "They already harpooned the van."  
  
Nuku Nuku hung her head low and looked ashamed. "Nuku Nuku is sorry."  
  
Kyusaku nodded, not even attempting to look angry. It was near impossible to stay angry at Nuku Nuku anyway, unless you were trying to kill her. "It's about time we moved anyway. Staying in the same place for so long can be hazardous. I think it's about time we left, especially with Mishima Heavy Industries moving in on this area. I've already got a place lined up, but there's a problem: it's in a sparsely populated area, and the landlord is very fussy about property damage." No further explanation was necessary.  
  
Nuku Nuku didn't bother trying to promise that she wouldn't get into any fights, as all present knew that simply wasn't possible, especially since she didn't start most of them.  
  
Kyusaku's head creased in thought, and he lit up another cigarette. What were they going to do?  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"DELETE!!" *Fzzzzzt* *ZAP!*  
  
Takami Sakuragi let go of a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and slowly closed the laptop which now held the trapped phantom cat. She had panicked and gone into what Umi called her "reality escape mode", but had managed to snap out of it just in time to keep Taba from being reduced to cat food.  
  
"Eep." Yoichi Taba still hadn't moved from the spot where he had frozen in terror, and wasn't showing any signs of budging.  
  
Yuka congradulated the team on their good work, then bounced over to Taba to make sure he wasn't dead. None could tell from her manner, but it was he that she cared for the most, and would be truly devestated should he be hurt.  
  
Somehow, he didn't quite appreciate her expression of concern.  
  
"Why the hell didn't you shoot it?! I could've died!"  
  
Yuka smiled upon seeing that nothing important was damaged. "Well, I saw Sakuragi waking up, so I figured, 'why waste an arrow?'." With that she patted him on the head affectionately and picked up the crossbow lying next to her as she walked to the van.  
  
Taba followed after her, but there was a noticeable lack of "Are you insane? Do you want me to die?" and other such comments. After two years in Kagura, you learn not to waste your breath.  
  
Sakuragi quickly apologized profusely for not having activated the wards earlier. "So, do you have any plans for tonight?" This was answered with a glare from Yuka, which Takami tried her best to ignore.  
  
Now, Taba wasn't normally a dense or clueless guy, but he had just come from his 13th near-death experience that month, and was still a little dizzy. "Yeah, I was gonna keep looking for an apartment. I'm sick of living in Kagura's basement." Sakuragi gave a little sigh at his answer, but let the subject slide.  
  
'Where am I gonna find a place to stay?'  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
There are times, it is said, that when the will of many souls cry out for justice, a group of heroes shall appear and slay those who serve the forces of evil. This has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but I thought it'd make an interesting side note.  
  
  
  
There are other times, it is said by someone else, that when the will of a few souls strive for a single purpose, divine intervention shall grant what they desire. Or something like that. I'm not exactly a religious guy.  
  
As it happened, one certain entity saw the looks of dispair of those people, and seeing how it didn't have anything particular planned for the next decade or so, decided to lend the mortals a hand.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Ataru sighed as he looked over the rent prices in the paper. More than he could afford. There was simply no possible way he could hold a full-time job to pay for it, especially since he considered himself allergic to hard work.  
  
"Well, I better keep looking. It's not like the answer to my problem's going to fall out of the sky or anything."  
  
It wasn't that Ataru didn't hear the telltale sound of an object falling out of the sky towards him, it was simply that his brain refused to acknowledge it in the futile hope that it might just be paranoia.  
  
It was somewhat harder to ignore once it impacted his skull. *Thwack!*  
  
"What, they're throwing rocks at me now?" Ataru grumbled as he got off the ground while rubbing his head.  
  
Looking at the area where the projectile had fallen, Ataru discovered a broken-up rock with a piece of paper that appeared to have been jammed inside. How anyone could have gotten a wad of paper into a hollow chunk of granite was beyond him, and, naturally, he didn't give it another thought.  
  
"What's this?" Ataru opened up the note and started to read it.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Terry slowly lowered his cap as his ears picked up the tell-tale sound of an object hurtling through the air towards him. Quickly judging its distance and speed, Terry turned around at the very last second, grabbing the rock and quickly crushing it in his hand. He looked around for his assailant, but if there was one, he had already fled.  
  
Finally he took notice of the piece of paper within the dust of the rock. Scowling, he read it. Then his scowl turned into a confused expression, and he blinked. "I was expecting a death threat or a challenge letter, definitely not something like this..."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
*Thwack!* "Ow!" Mamoru grabbed his head in pain as a rock the size of a baseball struck it from behind, launching him onto the sidewalk.  
  
Usagi gasped and ran up to him to ask if he was alright. Then she started looking around to see who had thrown the rock. Except that nobody was there. Other than them, the street was deserted.  
  
Mamoru growled and was about to kick the offending object away, when he noticed that it broken open on impact and spilled out a small sheet of paper. He picked it up and read it.  
  
"Usagi! Come look at this!"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Whoa! I'm detecting a space-time anomaly!" Washu's computer let out a shrill beeping noise, alerting its owner of the situation.  
  
"Huh?" Tenchi turned his head to look at Washu, and was immediately struck in the head from the direction he was previously facing.  
  
*Thwack!* "Ugh!" Tenchi was quickly sprawled out on the ground, his head spinning from the sudden pain.  
  
Washu observed the rock, which had broken open upon impact to reveal a crumpled note. "Fascinating..."  
  
Tenchi got up, rubbed his head, then opened up the note.  
  
"What in the........?"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
*Thwack!*  
  
Nuku Nuku blinked and wondered where the noise had come from. Deciding that it wasn't important since it wasn't followed up by an explosion, Nuku Nuku ran to catch up with Kyusaku.  
  
*Thwack!*  
  
Nuku Nuku took a brief look around, but once again ignored the incident when it became clear that neither Arisa nor Eimei were around.  
  
*Thwack!* *Thwack!* *Thwack!*  
  
Nuku Nuku chose to ignore the last three noises completely.  
  
Because Kyusaku had never bothered to put nerve sensors in her cranium, Nuku Nuku felt no pain from the impacts. And because the blows to the head weren't strong enough to damage her, her internal systems made no note of it.  
  
Bereft of options, the rocks chose a different target.  
  
*Thwack!* "Ouch!" The small chunk of granite bounced off of Kyusaku's skull, sending the scientist into the ground and the rock into Nuku Nuku's hands.  
  
"What the devil was that?" Rynnosuke helped his father get up as the older man rubbed his head, but could offer no explanation as to where the projectile came from.  
  
"Papa-san! Look at this!"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
*Thwack!* "Oof!" Taba hit the ground as the rock hit his head.  
  
Eiko Rando glared at him from inside the car. "Come on, come on, time is money! This is no time for naps!"  
  
Rubbing his now sore head, Taba tried to find the owner of the projectile. Finding no one, he looked at the rock's remains to see a small note lying in the rubble.........  
  
"My life just gets worse every day," he mumbled as he opened up the piece of paper and started to read.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
*Zip* *Ktch* *Zip* In two automatic, reflexive motions, Ranma grabbed the incoming rock and returned it with one hand, his other occupied with the apartment listings. Unlike Ataru, Ranma didn't mind the hard work involved with paying a reasonable rent, but he had other needs, such as room to practice, acceptable distance away from all his former fiancees, and, most importantly, a "no cats" policy.  
  
*Zip* *Ktch* *Zip* Once again he returned the projectile from whence it came, never even aware of its existence.  
  
It was around the fourth throw that Ranma finally noticed the rock being thrown at him, and it was on the sixth throw that he stopped throwing it back to observe it. It was nothing but a plain granite stone, roughly spherical, probably hollow judging by its weight. Ranma shrugged and tossed it back once again. Since everyone he knew that he had to worry about had more unique projectiles (ranging from spatulas to ki blasts), he figured some loser throwing rocks was no threat to him.  
  
*Zip* Reacting just in time, Ranma whirled around and deflected the stone just before it hit him, sending little bits of rubble flying.  
  
Ranma's musing as to how his attacker got behind him so quickly was interrupted by a piece of paper floating down into his hands. Blinking, he opened up the note and read it.  
  
  
  
[Congratulations Ranma Saotome! We have some news just for you! First, the good news: You have been approved to stay in our brand new state-of-the- art two story apartment complex indefinitely! This complex is over 4,500 square feet in a remote location on the outskirts of Tokyo! And best of all: It's free! All rent and utility costs are paid for!  
  
Now for the bad news: Should you accept this once-in-a-lifetime offer, you may have to share the complex with several other tennants. Also, the tennants are responsible for purchase of food items. We apologize for this inconvenience, but it is necessary.  
  
P.S. No cats are allowed.]  
  
  
  
Ranma blinked. Then he rubbed his eyes. The letter still said the same thing.  
  
He briefly entertained the thought that he was going insane, then shrugged. If he was already crazy then there was nothing to lose by checking it out.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Ranma walked up to the massive house before him, not quite believing his eyes. He took the piece of paper out his pocket, double-checking then triple-checking the address.  
  
"Who would just give a place like this to me?" Ranma was skeptical. He hadn't always been so critical and paranoid, but nearly every good event that ever happened to him before had turned into a horrible disaster. Casting a wary glance to either side, and keeping his senses ready for a cry of "Ranma, prepare to die!", he stepped past the front gate and walked up to the door.  
  
  
  
There he saw some other guy standing and grinning at the house, two suitcases at his feet. He was fairly plain looking, with mussy brown hair and a skinny build. He was also raving to himself.  
  
"Finally! A place I can call my own! No Lum! No aliens! No Ten! This is gonna be awesome!" Ataru, unlike Ranma, tended to take everything at face value, despite the fact that he too seemed to turn every blessing into a curse.  
  
"You one of the tennants?" Ataru whirled around and saw a guy with a muscular build and black hair tied into a pigtail.  
  
"Yeah. Nice place, eh? And for FREE!! This is great!" Ataru grinned and started doing a victory dance. "All the babes I want! There's no one to stop me! HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Ranma sweatdropped.  
  
Ataru's evil-guy-with-a-plan laugh (TM) was interrupted by a "Yo!" Ranma and Ataru turned at the greeting to see two older guys walking through the gate. The first one was very distinctive, especially as he was clearly not Japanese. He had blond hair tied in a long ponytail and wore a red cap with a star on it. He also wore jeans and a sleeveless denim jacket, with the same star insignia on the back. The second man was Japanese, and a bit more plain looking. He had brown, combed hair and wore a simple button- down shirt and tan slacks.  
  
Before they could make introductions, however, a bus pulled up and several other people piled out.  
  
  
  
"Now Nuku Nuku, I want you to be on your best behavior while you're here, all right? Try to keep property damage to a minimum, understand?"  
  
Nuku Nuku nodded, then sniffed and hugged Kyusaku. "I'll miss you Papa- san!"  
  
Rynnosuke gave Nuku Nuku a hug himself. "Don't worry. We won't be far away. You have the address to our place, so you can visit, okay?"  
  
Kyusaku nodded, then gave Nuku Nuku a pat on the head. "Those modifications I made should keep you safe while you're here. Have a good time!"  
  
"Bye Mamo-chan!" Usagi gave her boyfriend a crushing hug as Mamoru took out his suitcases.  
  
"All right, meatball head, all right." Mamoru was here on a mission. Usually when people offered deals like this that were too good to be true, they were. Since he was the one invited, he was automatically volunteered to check if this was some kind of new evil plot.  
  
Tenchi peeked out the doorway of the bus to both sides. Nothing. He gave a sigh of relief, then berated himself for being so paranoid. Not that it was in anyway irrational to expect a love-crazed alien to suddenly appear before him and demand that he go back to the shrine. He had wanted to say goodbye to all the girls, but then Washu brought up how that had turned out when he went to Tokyo. So, at her suggestion, he had left a long and detailed note explaining that he was only going to be gone for a little while, etc. etc. Washu said she would handle the rest. So we really can't blame him for being afraid.  
  
  
  
Ranma watched with disinterest as two dark-haired guys made their way through the gate and into the yard. The first was was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals and had his black hair put into a short ponytail behind his head. He seemed nervous, as if he was expecting something to appear and grab him. The second was taller and had straight combed hair. He seemed to be scrutinizing the place.  
  
They were followed by a very happy looking redhead, who jumped right over the fence without even thinking about it.  
  
They eventually reached the rest of the group, and Terry decided that itroductions were in order. "Hey everyone, name's Terry Bogard, it's nice to meet you guys."  
  
Taba nodded. "Yoichi Taba."  
  
"Ranma Saotome."  
  
"I'm Tenchi Masaki."  
  
"Mamoru Chiba."  
  
Nuku Nuku smiled broadly. "I'm Nuku Nuku!"  
  
Everyone was waiting for the last guy to introduce himself, but he seemed somewhat occupied with leering at Nuku Nuku's breasts. Ranma jabbed him with his shoulder.  
  
"Oh, uh, Ataru Moroboshi!" He seemed to slide ever so slightly toward Nuku Nuku. "I must say, I wasn't expecting to have to share this abode with such a lovely young woman." Ataru lowered his head in mock courtesy and gestured toward the door, deciding to go the charming gentleman route (it worked for Mendo).  
  
"Thank you!" Smiling at him, and giving no indication that she knew what he was doing, she headed towards the house.  
  
All around Ataru the others sweatdropped, both at Ataru's antics and Nuku Nuku's response. He looked at them, and gave them each a level glare. "She's mine!"  
  
At once, they all blinked, then started toward the house.  
  
"Hey, fine with me."  
  
"All yours."  
  
"As if I need another woman in my life."  
  
"Stow it. I'm spoken for anyway."  
  
"I won't get in your way."  
  
Ataru stood there bewildered as each man passed him and entered the house. He had expected everything from laughter to jealous violence, but never that they would just give up on a babe like that! Realizing that he was being left behind, Ataru rushed to keep up with the others.  
  
  
  
Everyone was impressed the moment they entered the apartment building, especially as many were used to spartan environs. None of them, however, could explain the man with a camera and the man next to him standing in the middle of the living room.  
  
The man without any recording equipment, who was wearing a black suit with dark sunglasses, greeted them. "Ah! I see our contest winners have arrived!"  
  
"Contest winners?" Tenchi looked at the others, and their faces were as blank as his. What contest?  
  
The man chuckled. "Never mind that. You've all been selected to be part of television's newest craze: real life television!"  
  
Ataru perked up. "We're gonna be on TV?"  
  
The man laughed again. "Of course, of course! This complex is your new home, to use and abuse as you wish. Our nameless little cameraman here will simply follow you around day to day, tracking your actions and interactions, barring of course your business in the bathroom and bedrooms. Just pretend like he's not even here!" he patted the small man on the back, who sheepishly waved at the group.  
  
"Wait a minute, you mean you're going to broadcast our personal lives all over Tokyo?" Mamoru was having second thoughts, as were a few of the others.  
  
The man shook his head. "No no no. All over JAPAN!! You'll be famous!"  
  
"All right! Sign me up!" Ataru shouted, and stepped in front of the group.  
  
Some of the others had reservations about the idea. Ranma and Tenchi were afraid their suitors might track them through the show. Mamoru was afraid his secret identity would be revealed. Terry and Taba had nothing to be afraid of, but were generallly uncomfortable with the prospect of having their every move recorded and broadcasted. Nuku Nuku had no problem with any of that, so she nodded happily and stepped forward.  
  
The man looked at the remaining five men. "Well?"  
  
Ranma shrugged. "Well, I guess it's okay. It is just what I was looking for."  
  
Terry nodded. "Yeah, its hard to find a good place to stay nowadays." Taba nodded his assent.  
  
Mamoru would've left, but had a responsibility to make sure this wasn't an evil plot. "Okay."  
  
Tenchi just sighed and decided to stay. He knew that Ryoko and Ayeka were going to show up eventually, no matter what.  
  
The man laughed happily and clapped his hands together. "Excellent! Then the house is yours! Any questions?"  
  
Terry raised his hand. "How come you gave us the invitation by throwing rocks at us?" The others all glared at him, remembering the incidents with the stones.  
  
The man sweatdropped, though his expression didn't falter. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." He coughed, then clapped his hands again. "Now, before I go, there may be some things you might want to tell your roommates. To, say, avoid any unpleasant surprises?" He raised his eyebrow.  
  
Mamoru bigsweated and lowered his head. Ranma sighed and stepped forward, grabbing a conveniently placed glass of cold water. "You guys'll find out eventually, so it's best I just show you this now. I've got this shapeshifting curse, see, that's activated by cold water, and is reversed with hot water."  
  
Taba blinked. "Shapeshifting curse?"  
  
Terry considered it, then looked at Ranma. "Well, come on, don't leave us hanging..."  
  
Ranma poured the water on himself. Everybody's eyes' widened, except for Nuku Nuku's and the businessman's. The cameraman fell over before grasping the controls of the camera and focusing on Ranma's female form.  
  
"Wow." Many were thinking the same thing, though only Ataru had had enough experience with such things to speak. Fantasies quickly came unbidden to his mind, and he started to mentally undress her... er, him.  
  
"Ranma turn into girl!" Nuku Nuku was amazed. One of her new friends could change genders!  
  
"Yes, yes, I turn into a girl. Could you guys stop gaping now?" He couldn't explain it, but he felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to smack Ataru around until he was black and blue.  
  
The man in the suit took a steaming kettle from behind his back, and laid it on the table next to Ranma. "Very good. Next?"  
  
Tenchi shook his head to clear it, then spoke up meekly. "Well, I don't turn into anything... but I'm kind of part alien..."  
  
Ataru whirled around on him. "No! Not more aliens! Please tell me you don't breath fire or shoot electricity!"  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped. "Um, I don't breathe fire or shoot electricity. There actually isn't much of a difference between Jurians and humans anyway." Well, there wasn't much of a physical difference between them, anyway. Besides, he wasn't even sure of the specifics himself.  
  
The man nodded. "I see. Any others?" Mamoru could've sworn he was winking at him. "No? Well then, enjoy your stay here! By the way, you can just call me Max. If you need anything, my number's next to the phone. Ciao!" With that Max turned around, opened a nearby door, and entered the next room.  
  
  
  
Mamoru cast a wary glance at Tenchi and the now-male Ranma. "Well I'm going to go get settled in. I've got a long day ahead of me tommorrow."  
  
Taba nodded, then looked around sadly. He had wanted to bring Maya with him, but for some reason his letter had detailed strict instructions not to bring cats of any size, shape or particle composition into the apartment. How they could have known to include precautions against animals made of magnetic data was one of the things that made Taba wary of this deal in the first place.  
  
Everyone dispersed, either to unpack or get used to their new surroundings. Ataru was about to follow Nuku Nuku to her room, when something tugged at the edge of his mind (this disturbed him greatly. Anything that affected his mind and wasn't female was considerable indeed). Acting on a hunch, he walked up to the door that Max had entered and opened it.  
  
He blinked. "Broom closet. Figures."  
  
  
  
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Author's notes.  
  
Well, how about it? Is this a recipe for trouble, or what?  
  
Now some of you might be thinking: 'Why did this maniac replace the characters from Kimagure Orange Road and Ah! My Goddess with Terry from Fatal Fury and Taba from Geobreeders? One: I know these two series. I don't know much about the others. Two: Terry's a martial artist and Ranma's a martial artist. I figured it'd make a nice plot device. Three: Who else here is sick of the punishingly routine comedy of Ataru glomping a shapely female and getting blasted? I don't see any reason why I should suffer having to write scene after scene of Urd zapping Ataru. Four: I'm the author and I can do whatever I want. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
(If any of you are unfamiliar with Geobreeders, Taba is a salaryman for Kagura, a private corporation that deals in the extermination of phantom cats, cats composed of computer code (or something) that can take the form of humans, walk through walls, take control of computers, etc. etc.) 


	2. Training, Employment, School, and More T...

It's a Horrible Life  
  
Chapter 2  
  
a Ranma 0.5/Fatal Fury (King of Fighters)/Sailor Moon/Uruesai Yatsura/APCCG Nuku Nuku/Tenchi Muyo/Geobreeders crossover by Black Dragon  
  
revcoll@peoplepc.com  
  
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/fanficlair/index.html  
  
  
  
Once again, these are not my characters, and I don't get a wooden nickel for writing these things. Yes, this is a rip-off (though I prefer the term "derivative") of the Surreal World, by that other guy whose name I can't remember right now. Oh well.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Training, Employment, School, and more Training!  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
Ranma awakened groggily, messing up his sheets as he twisted around.  
  
Blinking, he looked around for a disturbance. Nothing.  
  
No water, no Akane, no Genma......  
  
Ranma snorted. 'Hmph. When was the last time I actually woke up on my own? ...... Hmmm... I really can't remember...'  
  
  
  
Yawning, Ranma got up and headed over to the window, peering out of it. He stopped as he noticed someone below punching the air in a simple, but effective and flawlessly executed kata.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Terry punched twice quickly then did a fast round house followed by a flowing uppercut. Pausing, he let the energy gather withing him before launching himself into a whole new set of attacks, gaining more and more speed as he went.  
  
He was totally unprepared for someone to suddenly tap him on the shoulder.  
  
Terry blinked, then turned around to see Ranma grinning at him.  
  
"Uh... ya need something?"  
  
Ranma just kept grinning. "So you're a martial artist, huh? You wanna spar?"  
  
Terry blinked again, then chuckled. "Sorry kid, but I may just be a tad out of your league. You'll need more than a black belt to even scratch the guys I usually fight."  
  
Ranma raised an eyebrow, then pointed to himself arrogantly. "The last black belt I fought ended up exhausting himself into submission. I didn't even have to touch him."  
  
  
  
Just inside the house, Taba glanced outside as he sipped a cup of coffee. "Hm. Wonder what those two are up to."  
  
Tenchi, who was cooking an omelet nearby, looked outside as Ranma and Terry talked to each other, then put some distance between them. "Looks like a sparring match to me." This was confirmed as they both took stances.  
  
  
  
"I'll go easy on you, but not that easy." Terry warned.  
  
Ranma snorted. "Hmph. Your loss then."  
  
They both held their stances, then Terry jumped forward with a hard right hook. Ranma surprised him by ducking the blow easily, then punching him hard in the gut before trying to sweep him. Terry managed to hop over his foot despite the pain, then tried to hit him with a roundhouse. Ranma backed away gracefully, then nodded to Terry.  
  
"So, how'd you like my black belt-level karate, eh?" Ranma mocked.  
  
Terry smirked. "All right, all right. I deserved that for underestimating you. But you still haven't seen any of my special techniques."  
  
Ranma grinned, then shifting into a lower stance. "Nor you mine."  
  
  
  
Back inside the house, Taba had abandoned the paper in favor of the match. "Wow, they're even better than Ms. Rando."  
  
Tenchi had finished cooking his omelet and sat next to Taba as he ate, also enjoying the match. "Yeah, they are good."  
  
"HELLO!!!" The over-enthusiastic greeting caught both men by surprise, and Tenchi nearly dropped his omelet on the ground as Nuku Nuku stuck her smiling face between the two men.  
  
"Uh, h-hello Nuku." Taba stammered.  
  
Nuku Nuku nodded happily. "Did you two sleep well?"  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped. "Uh, yeah, very well, thanks."  
  
Taba nodded. "Oh yeah. It's nice to finally be able to sleep in an actual bed again. Kagura's basement in all right, but I hate those stupid mats. I don't know how Himehagi can stand it."  
  
Nuku Nuku just smiled at them, then blinked as she noticed Terry jump forward. "What are they doing?"  
  
Tenchi looked outside and blinked at the acrobatic display before them. "Uh... it's called a sparring match..."  
  
  
  
"Crack shot!" Terry hopped into the air, then stuck out his leg as he completed a somersault, bringing his foot down on Ranma's head. Ranma didn't quite know what to do, so he blocked the unorthodox kick, but was unprepared for Terry's follow-up sweep, which sent him sprawling. Ranma rolled backward as he hit the ground, coming out of it dazed, but mostly unscathed.  
  
"Not bad." He commented.  
  
Terry smiled and adjusted his cap. "Thanks. But you haven't seen anything yet. Crack shot!"  
  
This time Ranma was ready for it however, and jumped past Terry's foot to kick him in the head and send him flying into the ground.  
  
Ranma touched Earth again and smirked. "Aerial combat is the specialty of the Saotome style."  
  
Terry grinned as he got up. "Heh. Maybe I've found a worthwhile challenge after all. Power wave!" Terry punched the ground, and a red wave of energy shot through the ground. Ranma sidestepped it, causing it to detonate against a tree in the backyard.  
  
"My turn! Mouko takabisha!" The blue energy bolt was jumped over, destroying part of the fence.  
  
Terry smirked. "All right! Let's get serious! Burn knuckle!" Terry's fist glowed blue with ki as he launched himself forward. Ranma was unprepared for the attack, and just barely blocked it well enough to avoid getting thrown back.  
  
"Power dunk!" Terry's knee slammed into Ranma's chin, then he did an aerial burn knuckle downwards, slamming Ranma into the ground. Terry hadn't expected Ranma to recover very quickly, so was unprepared for the kick that sent him sprawling onto his back.  
  
Ranma ran up to him in preparation to continue the fight, when his danger sense flared, and he suddenly backed off. Terry suddenly launched himself into the air with one arm, just barely missing Ranma as he spun like a top into the air, his legs forming a powerful drill kick.  
  
"Rising tackle!"  
  
Ranma grimaced as he watched the blond martial artist reach his apex, then flip over and come down, then grinned as he saw that Terry was still recovering from the spin. "Kachuu tenshin armaguriken!"  
  
Terry was introduced to a new world of pain as Ranma bombarded him with punches. It was similar to Ryo's punching technique, but even better.  
  
Eventually Ranma stopped, then gathered his energies for a brief moment. "Mouko takabisha!"  
  
  
  
Nuku Nuku commented on how pretty Ranma's energy blasts were as Terry was blown away onto the other side of the yard. Taba's mouth was hanging open in disbelief, and Tenchi was just plain awed.  
  
"Th-that's amazing! I know Ms. Rando can't do THAT!! Hey, are you getting this?" The man next to the camera nodded quickly as he struggled to get the best angle for the fight.  
  
"That's pretty good. I wonder if they're human?" Tenchi mused to himself.  
  
  
  
Terry got up slowly as Ranma watched. Ranma himself was breathing hard already, and in a significant amount of pain from that power dunk, but was still up and strong. He had put as much power as he could into that chestnut fist, but it looked like Bogard wasn't going to give up. Deciding to take the advantage, Ranma jumped up and prepared to pummel the American once more.  
  
His danger sense warned him just in time for him to twist away from his intended landing zone in midair.  
  
"Power GEYSER!!" Which was good, judging by the huge explosion of energy that erupted when Terry punched the ground where he would've landed.  
  
Ranma was just getting over the surprise of witnessing the technique he almost didn't see Terry recover and launch himself into a burn knuckle. Ranma sidestepped this time, then rushed up to meet Terry's unprotected back. He didn't realize what a mistake that was until Terry turned around and cocked back a fist.  
  
"Hyroken......"  
  
Ranma tried to stop or dodge, but was moving too fast to go into a block in time and was too close to veer off to the side.  
  
"Buster..." Terry shot forward with a burn knuckle, which threw Ranma's head back with the force of the blow.  
  
"WOLF!!!" A power geyser in the shape of a wolf blasted into Ranma, sending him flying across the backyard.  
  
  
  
Taba gulped. "Did you see that?"  
  
Tenchi winced. "That had to hurt..."  
  
Nuku Nuku smiled. "That looks like fun! Nuku Nuku wants to play too!"  
  
This time Tenchi did spill his omelet as he and Yoichi facefaulted.  
  
  
  
Outside, Ranma was panting heavily as he slowly stood up. Terry just collapsed onto his rear, absently rubbing a few of his own injuries. "Hey Saotome, why don't we call it quits for today, eh? You're obviously good enough to fight me."  
  
Ranma coughed, then fell back down and nodded. "Yeah... all right... you win this time... but I wanna rematch..."  
  
There was some loud mumbling above them, and both the martial artists looked up to see Ataru groggily opening up the window. "Lum? What's going on? Are more aliens attacking again?"  
  
Terry and Ranma sweatdropped. Then Mamoru poked his head out and shouted at them angrily.  
  
"Hey you jerks, keep it down! Some people are trying to sleep!" Mamoru retreated back into his room, slamming the window behind him.  
  
Second sweatdrops joined the first ones. Ranma turned to Terry. "Who tries to sleep at 9:00 in the morning?"  
  
Terry shrugged as he stood up. "He was out all night somewhere. I heard him leave his room through the window."  
  
Ranma got up himself and dusted himself off. "Through the window huh? Maybe he's a martial artist too. We should ask him for a match sometime."  
  
Nuku Nuku suddenly bounced into the yard and waved her arms around. "Nuku Nuku wants to play too!"  
  
Before either one could mutter "huh?", Nuku had already tackled Terry to the ground, and created a large dust cloud as she wrestled with him. Ranma was too confused to seek escape, and was dragged into the fight as something tripped him up, sending him falling into the fray.  
  
  
  
Ataru yawned deeply as he trudged down the stairs into the kitchen. He gave a nod to Taba and Tenchi to acknowledge their existence (any further greeting for a non-female this early in the morning was deemed a waste of time and energy), then headed straight for the fridge. He had just opened it and was scanning the goods when he noticed that niether of his roommates had noticed him descend, being totally engrossed in some sort of commotion in the backyard.  
  
He observed the large cloud of tossed-up dirt for a moment and deduced that Terry, Ranma, and Nuku Nuku were doing... something inside of it. Terry and Ranma seemed to mostly be trying to escape the area, while Nuku just kept dragging them back in.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?"  
  
Tenchi couldn't take his eyes off the scene even as he scraped up his fallen eggs to throw them away. "It's a sparring match... uh, I mean a wrestling match... um, I really don't know."  
  
Were he more conscious Ataru might've gotten jealous that Ranma and Terry were getting to "wrestle" with Atsuko, but since he was still groggy his brain settled for a much simpler association.  
  
Nuku Nuku = Babe. Only babe in immediate area busy. Situation makes glomping unfavorable and/or difficult. Scanning next priority... Food.  
  
So he turned around and started to ransack the fridge.  
  
  
  
5 minutes later, the three combatants wearily walked into the kitchen. Terry and Ranma were only slightly more bruised and battered than they were after their sparring match. Nuku Nuku was just very dirty and was wearing a big grin on her face.  
  
Ataru turned around and waved a box in the air. "Who wants pancakes?"  
  
Taba waved him away while alternating between looking at the three fighters and his paper. "Uh, no thanks. Me and Masaki just ate."  
  
Ranma shrugged. "I could go for some pancakes."  
  
If it weren't for his martial arts reflexes, the box of powdered pancake mix would have hit him in the face. "Here, go ahead and make some. And cook me up a batch, would ya?" Ataru yawned, then grabbed the comics section of the paper away from Taba and sat down.  
  
Ranma looked from the box to Ataru, then turned around and looked at Terry.  
  
Terry shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, I can only really cook microwave dinners, and I haven't eaten yet, so if you wouldn't mind......"  
  
Ranma sighed and rolled his eyes. "All right, all right, fine. Hey Nuku, you want some too?"  
  
At that point he actually looked over to the stove, where Nuku Nuku was delicately putting a mixture of spices on two fresh tuna.  
  
She turned and smiled at him. "Hmm? Did you say something?"  
  
"Uh, nevermind."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Mail call!" Max entered the kitchen from the adjoining room and tossed a stack of envelopes onto the table, startling everybody there.  
  
Terry looked at him. "Where did you come from?"  
  
Max smiled. "Now that...... is a secret!"  
  
Everybody there except Nuku Nuku groaned tiredly at the line.  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." Ranma looked over the pile of letters and was surprised to see something for him.  
  
'Probably some kind of challenge letter.' He picked it out and opened it. The others also started to look through their mail.  
  
"Ooh, I got a letter from Papa-san!" Nuku Nuku squealed.  
  
"Aw man, Kagura rejected my vacation request again!." Taba whined.  
  
Ranma, Tenchi, and Ataru all stared at the near-identical letters in their hands. "School? What?!"  
  
Max simply shrugged and grinned. "Yes. Just because you're TV stars now doesn't mean you can shirk your education, now does it?"  
  
"Yes, it does!" Ataru stood up angrily. Ranma tripped him up, sending him back down into his chair.  
  
"Oh, shaddup woudja? It's not that bad." Tenchi nodded his agreement.  
  
Max nodded. "Yes, and as minors, you aren't responsible for contributing to the household finances. Only the older gentlemen will be paying for the food."  
  
"Well that hardly seems fair..." Taba muttered. Terry just shrugged. There was no rent to pay, so he didn't have any other use for the money.  
  
Tenchi pointed to Nuku Nuku. "What about her?"  
  
"Atsuko is a special case. She won't be attending school with you three."  
  
Ranma looked over the letter. "Well this probably won't be too bad. Juuban High School?"  
  
Max nodded. "Yes. As this house is right between Juuban and Okayama, you'll be attending school in Juuban. I believe Mr. Chiba knows something about that area."  
  
"Yeah, but 'Mr. Chiba' woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Ataru grumbled before finishing his orange juice.  
  
Max shrugged, then tossed a letter on the table. "That reminds me, give this to him when you see him, would you? Bye!" Max turned around, then exited through a wooden doorway.  
  
Terry blinked. "Did he just go into the pantry?"  
  
Tenchi got up to investigate, but Ataru just yanked him down into his chair again. "Don't bother. He's gone. Trust me."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Lessee... jobs, jobs, jobs......" Terry scanned the classifieds as he strolled through the park.  
  
Taba already had a job, and Mamoru said that he had enough money to pay for the food although he was a college student, so that just left him and Nuku Nuku.  
  
Atsuko had originally gone with him to job hunt, but had entered the first cafe she saw and requested a job from the manager. The manager, a kind old man who was short on help and liked her enthusiasm, gratefully gave her the position.  
  
Terry had considered offering to work there himself, but had decided against it. He typically worked jobs that required more muscle.  
  
"Hmmm... weightlifting instructor at a country club? Why not?"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Men, it's official: This bites."  
  
Ranma and Tenchi rolled their eyes and continued their walk to the high school. Ataru had been complaining non-stop since their departure from home. Luckily for him, Tenchi was the patient type and Ranma was used to whiners.  
  
Ataru glared at them. "Remind me again why neither of you could spare bus fare?"  
  
Tenchi shrugged. "I only brought enough money for lunch, and I'm used to walking anyway..."  
  
"If you want to ride a bus, pay for it yourself." Ranma continued his leisurely pace along the top of the fence next to the sidewalk.  
  
"Hmph. He's a show-off and a cheapskate." Ataru mumbled. Ranma ignored him.  
  
Tenchi sighed as he shifted the weight that his backpack held on his shoulders. "Still, I'm surprised they had already enrolled us and insisted we attend today. The school day's half over."  
  
They walked along in silence from then on until they reached the school.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Class, today we have three new students that just transferred here. Would you care to introduce yourselves?" Mr. Yahama said with only a slight twitch. These three were going to be trouble, he just knew it. They barge into class in the middle of the day, and one of them wasn't even wearing a uniform!  
  
Ranma shrugged and stepped up. "I'm Ranma Saotome, and I'm a martial artist. I just transferred here from Furinkan after I moved."  
  
Tenchi bowed. "My name is Tenchi Masaki. Um... there's really not much more to say, except I used to live in a shrine up in Okinawa."  
  
Before Ataru could even open his mouth, half the class erupted into hushed whispering. Many of the girls started giggling while throwing starry-eyed glances at Ranma or Tenchi. This, naturally, made them quite nervous.  
  
One girl suddenly raised her hand. She was tall, and had her brown hair tied into a ponytail behind her head. "You guys seem familiar..."  
  
Ataru suddenly stepped forward. "Of course, you may have recognized me or my companions from television. My name is-"  
  
She suddenly shot up and shouted. "YEAH!! That's it! I saw you guys on TV!"  
  
Another girl joined her. "Hey, you're right, I saw that too! What's it called... Kontan Ryokan!!"  
  
Ranma and Tenchi looked at each other. "'Chaos Hotel'?"  
  
Another girl jumped up. "Yeah, you were on the same show as Mamo-chan!"  
  
  
  
Mr. Yahama just stared in horror as he saw his disciplined, organized class erupt into total anarchy, with people asking for autographs, phone numbers and relationship status of Tenchi and Ranma. Ataru was soon backed into the wall from the crowd, shoved aside so more people could swamp his companions.  
  
"Class! Get back to your seats!" The students reluctantly complied, and Ranma and Tenchi each gave sighs of relief, as their only avenue of escape had been blocked by Ataru.  
  
Mr. Yahama gave a pleading look to the heavens, just knowing that this was only the beginning. "Now, I'm sure that our new students would be glad to chat during lunch. However, until then, if they could take their seats..."  
  
"But I havn't introduced myself yet..." Ataru whined, before he realized he was still being ignored.  
  
"Mr. Saotome, you can sit over there next to Miss Kino. Masaki, you can take the seat right behind him. Mr....... uh, what was your name again?"  
  
Ataru's left eye started twitching. "Ataru...... Ataru Moroboshi........." he ground out.  
  
Mr. Yahama nodded. "Yes, well, you may sit in the back behind Miss Mizuno."  
  
Ataru nodded, brightening considerably at the prospect of spending the next hour sitting next to the cute bluette.  
  
  
  
Tenchi sighed as he finished taking notes on the first section in the book, then turned the page to the next chapter. He had done rather well in class back home, but this school had a fairly different curriculum, so he decided to start at square 1, looking through the book and taking notes on what he hadn't known already.  
  
He blinked as a small folded piece of paper landed on his desk. Glancing around, he located the girl who had tossed it, and raised an eyebrow at her. She blushed and turned away, trying to pretend like she was paying attention to the teacher.  
  
He blinked, then opened up the note.  
  
[Hi! I think it's really cool that we have TV stars in our class! Are you single?]  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped, then thought about how to respond. Technically he was single, as he didn't have a girlfriend, but then there were certain women who would certainly claim otherwise.  
  
Deciding that it was better safe than sorry, he scribbled down 'no, sorry' and flicked it back to it's person of origin.  
  
Ignoring the disappointed sigh from next to him, Tenchi looked up to see if how Ranma was doing.  
  
And nearly fell out of his chair, as he witnessed that the young martial artist was sleeping soundly on his desk.  
  
He noticed that Ranma had in fact recieved a few small letters himself, but they were ignored like everything else in his comatose state.  
  
He idly noticed that one of the girls that had recognized them, the blond with the two pigtails, was also sleeping, though from her disorienting posture she somehow seemed 'better' at it than Ranma was.  
  
Looking back, he noticed that Ataru was trying his hardest to flirt with the girl in front of him, Ami if he remembered correctly, who was merely flushing a little bit and purposely ignoring him as she took notes.  
  
Sighing to himself, he resigned himself back to his notebook.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Lunchtime came as something of a shock to most people. The lunch bell rang, which would have normally prompted Usagi to jerk awake suddenly (most of her teachers had tired of making her stand in the hall, deciding it was more efficient to simply ignore her and let her rest) and stumble out of her desk and onto the floor, giving the rest of the class a good laugh at her expense.  
  
That's exactly what happened this time, save the laugh. As soon as the lunch bell rang, and before the teacher could warn them about an upcoming test the next day, Ranma shot up from his seat, then leapt to the door, grabbing hold of the top of the door frame and swinging over the heads of the students already filing out, before landing on the opposite wall and making a horizontal run along the wall to the cafeteria. The fact that this was a new school and that he supposedly didn't know where the cafeteria was didn't even slow him down.  
  
This was sufficiently stunning to the class that they completely forgot about laughing at Usagi, who was now rubbing her head in embarrassment and had missed the whole thing.  
  
Tenchi and Ataru were used to such things, so they merely grumbled to themselves as they waited for the shocked students to regain their senses and move out of the doorway.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Yes! Curry bread!" Ranma sighed happily and sat down under a tree before he started to munch on the first of many buns in his small bag. He had been surprised at the amount of money he had been able to scrape together for lunch without Nabiki around. Maybe he really was better off without all of them.  
  
Ataru muttered to himself as he looked on with envy at how much food Ranma had gotten. By the time he had gotten to the cafeteria, all the good stuff had been gone.  
  
Tenchi didn't really mind either way, since just about everything they served around here paled before Sasami's cooking, and because he didn't eat nearly as much as his companions.  
  
Before long Ataru had devoured his own lunch and was now pestering Ranma for his. Ranma had acted the same way around breakfast, eating most of the pancakes himself and leaving only six for Terry and the young Moroboshi, the former of which ate four of them.  
  
So it was most likely his hunger that distracted him from noticing the girl's advance towards them until she had spoken, immediately drawing his attention away from the subject of food and onto the subject of sex.  
  
"Geh lotht Ataroo! Ith mime!" Ranma swallowed and then too noticed that they had company. "What's up?"  
  
"Hi! My name is Makoto Kino, would you guys like a tour of the school?"  
  
Ataru was in front of her within nanoseconds. "We'd love a tour! Wanna go out with me? I'm famous!" Makoto wasn't as hot as most of the women he was normally around (and if she was she was wearing too much more clothing than they did to tell), but she'd do.  
  
The aforementioned girl backed away, startled by both his speed and forwardness (which are kinda the same thing I guess......). "Ah, no, that's okay, I-"  
  
Ataru rushed forward and grabbed her shoulder. "Oh, but I insist! Just one little date! Please!"  
  
She was about to slap the jerk for grabbing her when Ranma's leg shot out and knocked him flat on his back.  
  
"Cool off Moroboshi." Ranma said calmly, before downing another bun and standing up.  
  
Tenchi ignored the entire scene, filing it away in the back of his mind. "Sure, we could use a look around."  
  
Makoto wasn't really listening to him though. She had reverted to heart- eyes mode and was watching Ranma stuff bread down his throat. "Sure, right this way." She said in a mild dream-state.  
  
  
  
Makoto had shown them the gym and the baseball field before Ranma had run out of food, and was left with an empty paper bag. After stepping on Ataru's foot when he had gotten too close again, she volunteered to escort him to the garbage can.  
  
Ranma protested the point of such action, seeing how the trash receptacle was only 20 feet away in plain sight, but was completely ignored as the tall brunette took hold of his arm and led him to it. Ranma shrugged and threw away the bag.  
  
"So, do you have a girlfriend?" The question was a tad more straightforward than she would've liked, but Ranma seemed kind of dense to her, and she didn't want to keep dropping hints he wouldn't pick up.  
  
Now, I think we can all agree that Ranma tends not to think before he talks. Therefore, his mind came up with a quick answer to a simple question.  
  
"Naw." Had he been asked if he was single or if he was available, he would've laughed and said 'I wish.' But he wasn't, so he didn't.  
  
"Well then, how about we go out to this great ramen place I know tonight? Just you and me?" Makoto smiled slyly. She had him now.  
  
Ranma was very suddenly aware of all the danger alarms in his head blaring at him. These alarms were very different from the type that warned him of a sudden attack (not that those were used very often. Most of his enemies tended to yell at him during sneak attacks). They warned him of important, real threats, such as his location in reference to the girl's bath, Akane's night to cook, and prospective fiancees.  
  
"Uh......" Unfortunately, even with a warning, Ranma had no idea how to handle the situation. In all the time he'd been engaged, he'd never been able to break up with a girl (well, he'd gotten Akane to break up with him a few times, but that wasn't exactly on purpose), much less cut them off before a relationship started.  
  
Luckily, he was saved from having to reply.  
  
  
  
"RANMA!!! How dare you leave Akane like that! And here I find you attending another school and already making a new conquest! RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!"  
  
Ranma actually sighed in relief as he hoisted Mokoto up into his arms and jumped away from Ryoga's attack, which pulverized the ground they had been standing on. It was about time something had happened around here. A whole day of not being attacked had been starting to get to him.  
  
"Hey P-chan, how's it going? Has Akane been keeping you up all night crying on her little pet?" Ranma smirked and landed, gently setting Makoto on the ground next to him, having to steady her slightly as she seemed quite reluctant to just get off.  
  
Makoto was in heaven. He had just saved her! He looked SO much like her old sempai!  
  
Ryoga unslung his umbrella and thrusted it at Ranma, who dodged away from Makoto and quickly looked around to see if anyone had followed Ryoga (he wasn't too worried, it was near impossible). Not seeing anyone else, he grinned and got into a ready stance.  
  
"You wanna fight, pig boy? Bring it on!" Ranma hadn't had a good battle since that morning, and a friendly rivalry with Terry was too far from the kind of daily life-and-death battles he was used to.  
  
  
  
About 20-something feet away, Tenchi stared at the scene as the battle unfolded, unsure of whether he should do something or not. Ataru had left and was now harrassing that blond girl with the long ponytails.  
  
  
  
"Baksai ten ketsu!" The gym gained a brand new entrance.  
  
"Mouko Takabisha!" Ryoga went flying through the other wall of the gym.  
  
"Shi shi hokodan!" Ranma dodged out of the way of the green ki blast, and it blasted apart another wall. The gym, having taken all the abuse it could stand, promptly collapsed.  
  
  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped.  
  
"They're destroying the school! We have to stop them!" Ami watched in horror as part of the science room crumbled under the force of Ryoga's punches. After Ranma had passed through it with an enraged Ryoga hot on his tail, most of the chemicals inside spilled together, which in an inexplicable mystery of modern chemistry, caused an explosion that tore apart most of the rest of that building.  
  
Makoto held back Ami. "We can't interrupt! This is a martial arts duel!"  
  
Ami looked at her. "THIS is martial arts?"  
  
Makoto bigsweated and shrugged. "Well, it's not like any innocents are getting hurt." Which was true. Years of experience at running away from danger had served its purpose, and most of the buildings had already been deserted by its former inhabitants.  
  
"C'mon baby, how about just one little date?"  
  
Usagi growled uncharacteristically. "No! I already have a boyfriend!"  
  
Ataru snorted. "You can't mean that Mamoru creep! He doesn't deserve you! I'll-AUGH!!" Ataru's plea was cut off as Ryoga used his head as a springboard to jump away.  
  
"Oh, who's running now, pig?!" Ranma laughed and launched himself clear of Usagi and Ataru after Ryoga.  
  
"Shut up you!" Ryoga started throwing his razor-bandannas at Ranma, who landed and started weaving through them.  
  
Ryoga launched an ill-timed shi shi hokodan, as Ranma jumped over it and kicked him in the face. The ki blast kept going unobstructed until it hit another building, and pulverized the foundation, which in turn caused the structure to slowly collapse to rubble under the weight of the roof.  
  
  
  
(Insert about 10 more minutes of overestimating the destructive force of martial arts techniques for the sake of collateral damage)  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Oh, thank you so much Mr. Bogard! You're so strong!" The woman giggled as Terry sweatdropped and smiled politely, if not a little nervously.  
  
His first day of being a weightlifting instructor had been, well, pretty much as expected. The men either ignored him or asked him for some advice on what weights to use. A few had subtley challenged him to lift more than they did, and had ended up walking away, shaking their heads in disbelief.  
  
The women, on the other hand, seemed to need his help for everything. Had Ranma or a similarly clueless male been there, they would have deduced that the girls obviously couldn't operate a single piece of equipment in the gym without assistence. Other women seemed to think highly of his opinion on what they should do to keep their figure. One had been so bold as to ask him flat out if her body looked good.  
  
  
  
After finishing with the lady who apparently couldn't place weights onto a barbell without a man there to help him, his boss arrived and told him that his shift was over, much to the disappointment of all the females in the gym.  
  
  
  
Walking back to the house, Terry reflected upon his battle/friendly sparring match earlier today. It simply blew his mind that someone as young as Ranma could hold a candle to him, much less hold his own in an actual fight.  
  
Well, truthfully, Terry firmly believed that he'd come out on top in an all-out battle, but then he couldn't be certain if Ranma was holding back as much as he had been. The kid would make an interesting training partner, of that he was certain.  
  
He briefly considered Nuku Nuku, then shrugged it off. She seemed to be all strength and speed, with something of a natural grace about her. Besides, she viewed fighting as playing, something to do for fun. Definitely not a martial artist. Ranma or himself could take her any day.  
  
  
  
He looked up. "Well speak of the devil......" then he blinked. Something was up.  
  
"Look, all I'm saying is that you should've been more careful!" Tenchi had been protesting Ranma's fight ever since they had left the ruins of the school.  
  
Ranma was currently heavily bandaged and supporting himself with a long stick he had found somewhere as he walked along with an exasperated Tenchi and suspiciously pleased-looking Ataru.  
  
"It's not like I had a choice or nothin'! Ryoga chose the time and place! This is his fault!" Ranma thought about that statement for a moment. "Well, he chose the time at least. He coulda' waited 'till school was over."  
  
They all noticed Terry for the first time. "Something interesting happen?"  
  
Tenchi sighed. "This guy that Ranma knows attacked him at school. The entire campus is rubble."  
  
Terry smirked. "Huh. Guess he did quite a number on you, eh Saotome?"  
  
Ranma snorted, then adjusted his position on the walking stick. "Please. He barely touched me."  
  
Terry blinked again. "Then how......?"  
  
Ataru snickered. "Him and the guy with the fangs fought their way right into the girl's locker room without even realizing it. And, well, you know how it is."  
  
Terry winced in sympathy. He had never been victim to that sort of thing himself, but he from the looks of the outcome, it had been quite painful.  
  
Ranma growled. "Stupid girls. They didn't have to hit me so hard." Why that area hadn't been evacuated with the rest of the school would have to remain a mystery.  
  
  
  
They had almost gotten to the house when a very abused-looking van with the word 'Kagura' painted on the side slowed puttered up to the house, then gave a last, painful-sounding hiss before the engine died completely.  
  
The three teenagers and the one adult all collectively sweatdropped. Taba hopped out of the trashed vehicle and coughed as thick plumes of smoke poured from the engine housing.  
  
A head covered in short green hair poked out of the window. "Well, lucky you Taba, looks like this is the last stop." Taba sweatdropped himself as he looked at the wreckage of the van. At least it hadn't been his fault this time.  
  
Ranma and Terry both started categorizing the damage done to the beaten-up vehicle. Both of them were able to label many of the tears in the steel of the doors as claw marks.  
  
"Well, it's far back to Kagura at this time of the day. Mind if I crash with you here, Yoichi?" Yu Himehagi climbed out of the van, stretching as she finally got out of the seat that had held her for the last 4 hours straight.  
  
Taba blinked. He really didn't see why not, except that it might be imposing a bit much on Nuku Nuku to ask her to accept a roommate.  
  
Before he could voice his answer, however, Ataru had finally gotten over how incredibly well-endowed she was, and his brain kicked in the function immediately proceeding the leering ogle.  
  
"You can stay here as long as you like babe! How about you stay in my room?!" Moroboshi launched himself forward, only to find his forward momentum halted by Ranma grabbing the back of his sweater.  
  
"Jeez, give a rest will ya? You're almost as bad as the old freak." Ataru protested mightily to being manhandled as such, but nobody really bothered to offer much sympathy to his plight.  
  
Yu blinked, then looked at Ataru. 'Hmmmm... too eager.' Her gaze shifted to Tenchi, who gulped and tried to distract himself elsewhere. 'Too nervous and shy.' She looked over at Ranma, who just ignored her and started dragging Ataru away. 'Pretty good, but still a little young for me.' Then her field of vision shifted toward Terry, and a predatory grin slowly grew on her face. 'This one is juuuuuuuuuuuust right!'  
  
  
  
Ranma dragged the still-struggling Ataru into the house, followed by Tenchi, who firmly resolved to keep taking everything in stride and not ask any questions. Terry would've followed, except that he suddenly found his pathway blocked by the emerald-haired girl.  
  
"Hey there cutie, is there room for two in your room?" She winked at him following her greeting, causing him to bigsweat and take a step backward.  
  
"Uh, no, I don't think so. Sorry." Terry turned down her obvious come-on as politely as he could.  
  
Yu pretended to stop and think about that for a bit. "Hmm. That's okay! I've always liked snug, cozy places!" She took a step forward, prompting him to take a step back.  
  
Taba held her shoulder suddenly. "So, anyway, I was thinking you could sleep with Atsuko. She should be coming home any time now," he said dryly.  
  
"I don't swing that way, you know."  
  
"That's not what I meant!" Taba started waving his arms around in frustration.  
  
Yu sighed. "Oh, honestly. You guys are no fun at all. It's a wonder they could make a TV show outta you."  
  
Terry and Taba watched Yu enter the house, pausing only to smile and wink at Terry, then slowly started toward it themselves. Taba swore that under no circumstances would he let anyone else he knew spend the night here. Terry swore that he would never make fun of Andy's relationship with Mai ever again.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Mamoru yawned and sat down on the couch with a bag of potato chips as he prepared to do one of the most celebrated of male activities, channelsurfing. He had wanted to take Usagi out that night and ask how his new roommates had been at school, but for some reason nobody had been home when he had called.  
  
As he settled on an old Gundam Wing rerun, he idly noticed that Ranma, Tenchi, and Ataru had entered the house, the latter trying to look dignified as he was being literally dragged along by his sweater by the former.  
  
"Yo. How was school?" Mamoru wasn't really listening for an answer, the greeting had been more obligatory than anything else.  
  
Ranma shrugged. "It's gone now." Despite the fact he wasn't totally listening, this managed to catch his attention.  
  
"What'd you say?" Mamoru looked up at the young martial artist strangely.  
  
"It's gone. Destroyed. Blown up. Rubble. Ryoga kinda stumbled upon it and saw me, and we had a little scuffle."  
  
Tenchi rolled his eyes. "You call that a scuffle?" True, Ryoko and Ayeka's 'catfights' did similar damage, but then they were powerful aliens. As far as he knew, Ranma and Ryoga were both humans, if not very powerful ones.  
  
Unfortunately, Mamoru's brain was still trying to wrap itself around what Ranma was talking about. "Juuban High. Destroyed?"  
  
Ranma sighed and snatched the remote. "Here." He pushed a button, and suddenly they were presented with a view of the smoldering ruins of the high school.  
  
*Juuban was taken by surprise today as a student of what used to be Juuban High School was suddenly attacked by another young man in what experts are calling the most destructive battle of Tokyo, even beating out the frequent monster attacks in the Juuban area, though preliminary reports tell us there were no casualties. The two young men reduced the school to ash in their battle, and now we have a word with one of the teachers, Mr. Yahama.*  
  
The camera zoomed out to fit Mr. Yahama's thin frame into the picture with the reporter. Mamoru started twitching.  
  
*It was terrible I tell you! I knew that Saotome kid was trouble from the start! And now look!* The camera zoomed back onto the reporter as the teacher began to rant.  
  
Ranma grunted and muttered quietly about the idiocy of fanged lost boys in general.  
  
*The battle seemed to have ended when both fighters were somehow launched into the air from the locker rooms, which is the only school structure still standing. One of them reportedly landed in the pool, though investigators say that all they found was some traveling clothes and a small black pig, which they released after concluding, 'It was just too cute to have had anything to do with this'.*  
  
Ranma sweatdropped, though his expression didn't change otherwise. Then he noticed that he was holding a sweater. Nothing but a sweater. It wasn't long before loud noises started coming from the kitchen.  
  
"Hey babe, I didn't think I caught your name!" *Glomp*  
  
"Yah! Get off me, you little perv!"  
  
Ranma sighed and wondered if it was worth the trouble of helping her with him. After all, he knew from firsthand experience that women could deal out rightful vengeance perfectly well without any help. He started upstairs, and Tenchi followed.  
  
"Hey Ranma, didn't you tell me before that you came here to get away from some people?"  
  
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. After just leaving like that, if they find me, I'm done for."  
  
Tenchi scratched his head. "Is this Ryoga guy one of those people?"  
  
Ranma stopped to think about that. "Sort of. Though I can handle just him, and it was pretty much inevitable that he was gonna show up."  
  
Tenchi nodded. "Uh huh. But what if he goes back and shows tells these other people where you are?"  
  
Tenchi sweatdropped as he realized that Ranma had just collapsed in laughter. "What'd I say?"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"I still say this all pervert girl's fault!" Shampoo shot a glare at her rivals from across the table.  
  
Akane glared right back. "Will you cut that out?! It's not my fault the stupid baka left! And I say good riddance!"  
  
Ukyou snorted. "Please Akane, if you don't care, then why are you here?" Akane growled slightly, but did not respond.  
  
"Ohohohohoho! I think it's perfectly obvious that my darling Ranma has fled because of you lowly harridans! No doubt he yearns for his one true love, wherever he is!" The others still didn't know why they had invited Kodachi there. It was like putting a beaker of nitro glycerin on a lit case of dynamite.  
  
Cologne did her best to keep order. "I was afraid this would happen. All you girls keep fighting over him all the time without letting him have any breathing room, just what did you think would happen?"  
  
Ukyou frowned. "But Ranma would never just run away! It goes against everything he's ever learned!"  
  
Cologne looked at her. "But everything he's ever learned consists of 95% fighting, and 5% of everything else. Maybe son-in-law finally figured out that he can't apply martial arts to his relationship problems, and went with the next best thing."  
  
The girls, even Kodachi, slumped into their chairs. "But then what we do?" Asked Shampoo softly.  
  
Cologne was about to shake her head and give a vague, unhelpful asnwer, when the door to the Cat Cafe's bathroom burst open.  
  
"I KNOW WHERE RANMA IS!!!" Ryoga exclaimed, before falling flat on his face from exhaustion combined with his earlier injuries.  
  
He was immediately surrounded by the various women.  
  
"You tell right now where airen is!"  
  
"Out with it peasant! Where is he?!"  
  
"C'mon you jackass, speak up!"  
  
"As soon as I get my hands on that creep, he's gonna pay!"  
  
Cologne sweatdropped. "Do you realized who you're asking a location from?"  
  
They collectively blinked, then fell down. Looking more depressed than ever, they slowly walked back to their chairs to brood in silence and throw glares at each other.  
  
  
  
They were like that for quite some time before Mousse, who had been quietly smug the whole time in Ranma's absence, pulled a TV set out of his sleeve and plugged it into the wall.  
  
The others ignored him until he suddenly shouted out in dismay.  
  
"What? They rescheduled 'Matlock'? How dare they?!" This drew stares from the others.  
  
*And now featuring the newest, craziest real-life television show ever, Kontan Ryokan!*  
  
"It's an outrage, I tell you! To replace it with this garbage is-*Bonk*- my, look at all the little birdies..." *Thud* Cologne withdrew her staff and prepared to turn off the TV.  
  
*Starring Terry Bogard, Ataru Moroboshi, Tenchi Masaki, Nuku Nuku, Yoichi Taba, Mamoru Chiba, and Ranma Saotome!* All eyes were immediately glued to the screen.  
  
As each name was spoken, a photograph of that person appeared on the screen, to be partially covered by the next photo coming in at a different angle. Sure enough, right in the middle and grinning his trademark roguish grin, was...  
  
"RANMA!!!!"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"All right 'Mom'. I'll ask you one more time. Where. Is. TENCHI?!?!?!" Ryoko's yelling, predictably, was ignored by the short, redheaded scientist quite easily.  
  
Despite the fact that Ryoko was holding her up by her shirt and glaring at her quite threateningly, Washu still grinned in her face. "Now now, you know I can't answer that question. Now be a good girl and calm down."  
  
Ryoko let go of her and snarled in anger, before placing her hands about an inch from each side of Washu's neck and making as if to choke her. She wanted to, oh, how she wanted to, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.  
  
Washu smirked again. "You and Ayeka have been pestering me all day. Why don't you just cool off and watch some TV with Sasami?"  
  
Ryoko growled, but resigned herself to her fate. Floating over to the young Jurian princess, she noted that she was watching one of those stupid new shows that were supposed to emulate real life.  
  
*Kontan Ryokan! Starring Terry Bogard, Ataru Moroboshi, Tenchi Masaki, Nuku Nuku, Yoichi Taba, Mamoru Chiba, and Ranma Saotome!*  
  
Ryoko suddenly forgot how to fly and fell onto the floor. Just before she did though, she caught a glimpse of Tenchi's picture, before it was covered by four other pictures of people she had never heard of or seen before.  
  
She wasn't the only one to witness this, as Ayeka had acquired 0 to 500 kmph acceleration upon hearing Tenchi's name and had reached the living room in time to see the same thing.  
  
They both stared.  
  
Sasami looked awed. "Wow, neat! Tenchi's on television!"  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** ******* 


End file.
